Friday, July 28, 2006

Shit, meet fan....

Holy Shit! That was my reaction this morning when I logged on over breakfast and read the news that Floyd Landis (AKA Lloyd Flanders) was the rider who had turned in a positive drug test at Le Tour. I'd heard in the days prior that a rider had tested positive, and had a small suspicion it could've been him, but was still gobsmacked when I read it. Without judging him guilty just yet, I won't be surprised if he is found to have doped, on the day of his amazing ride to Morzine, just a day after his shocker in stage 16. To come back that strongly was remarkable, and now maybe, just maybe, we have an explanation. Could it explain why he drank so much water during the stage, to flush his system? Was his aggressive victory 'salute', punching the air, teeth clenched, a result of an excess of testosterone? But I'm most shocked that some sources are saying it could've been a result of the beer he drank the night before...yeah right! I won't hear a bad word about beer! Draw your own conclusions, I'll draw mine when the B sample is returned.

4 comments:

Dr Fuentes said...

Brett, as a world renowned cycling journalist you of all people should have seen this coming. Observe photographs of Landis on stage 16. Notice something? Yes that's right, no enormous bulge in his knicks! Now look at his victory photo as he crosses the line on stage 17. Witness his knicks bulging to breaking point, seams labouring under the strain of some massive mystery load! Mystery load no more!! The gigantic mound seen in Floyds crutch is the visible evidence of testosterone patch abuse. Landis's scrotum was plastered with no less than 367 patches. Patches which I supplied him with the evening after his abyssmal efforts on stage 16. Any mention of beer being responsible for his elevated testosterone levels is completely preposterous!! Apart from the fact that I spiked all of his beers with moose testosterone and replaced the labels with testosterone patches.

David Hasselhoff said...

Hey dude, go easy on Landis man!! I like this guy!! He's a mans man!! He's briming with manlyness!! No wonder his testosterone is high. Gosh, look at me!! I'm the manliest guy alive, my testosterone levels are out the yin yang!! PUNCH THAT AIR FLOYD!!! WOOOOO!!!! Aint it great to be a man? A man with a gigantic testosterone filled ball bag!!! WOOOOOO!!!! YEAHHHH!!!!!

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