Beer of the Week (possibly century)

After a week of drinking alcohol-enhanced water, I needed something with some flavour, dammit. As I stood shivering in the coolroom, I perused the specials. Becks was pretty cheap, but I'd had a couple of slabs of it in the past few months. Hollandia and Bavaria were their usual low price, but don't really excite the palate too much. There was only one thing left to do. Spend a little extra (well, a lot extra) and be guaranteed quality, taste and class. A case of James Squire Pilsener was the answer. Possibly my very favourite, along with another brew which I will cover in the coming weeks. The first sip was just as I remembered it. Crisp, hoppy, delicious. More than worth the extra bucks. The Czechs may have invented Pilsener, but one dead Aussie perfected it. Onya, Jimmy.

Beer...is there anything it can't do?

After one of the most amazing rides in Tour history, the man who has nothing going for him (American, Mennonite, dodgy hip, bad, bad head) hinted that beer played a part in his Lazarus-like comeback into yellow jersey reckoning. Watching his performance last night, I didn't know what to feel... Yeah, I'd tipped him to win the Tour, but I really wanted to see Pereiro take a bigger lead into the final TT, and hold on to Paris. I think now that Landis will win the Tour, and he deserves it after that. To lose ten minutes in one stage, then to gain nearly all of it back the next day is remarkable. But who knows, maybe he'll get another bad batch of blood or EPO again, and fall apart. Whatever happens, it's still been the best Tour in my viewing history.

All I can say is WOW!

It's 2am... I'm wired, thanks to a combination of late night coffee and one of the best damn Tour de France stages I've ever witnessed. Phenomenal. Awesome. Stunning. Words can't describe it. Except those ones, and the ones I'm about to write.


The race has been turned on it's head, and who knows what is to come. This is the most open and exciting Tour in, what, SEVEN YEARS! No-one could've predicted at the start of the stage that Landis would not only be out of yellow, but would lose eight minutes to Pereiro. He absolutely exploded!

A spectator shows Landis where he's heading.


And Kloden, Evans, Pereiro took full advantage. It was Menchov who did the initial damage, but then he paid the price too. Great win for Chicken, in the same fashion as he won a stage last year, on a loooong break, picking up all the big KOM points along the way. And this Dessel character is hanging in there too. So many variables. Who needs Ullrich, Basso, and that other guy.

Chicken spreads his wings. Or believes he's Jesus.

And another highlight of the stage was....NO ADS on the last climb... well done SBS! They must've copped a barrage of emails and phone calls after last nights efforts. Power to the people! Tomalaris is still a putz though, but some things are inevitable I guess.

SBS WTF?

I'm frustrated.... now. Last night I was bemused, confused, angry, livid, in between bouts of excitement, wonderment and satisfaction. I was excited as the riders in Stage 15 headed towards the legendary Alpe d'Huez, for what promised to be a monumental battle. I watched in wonderment as spent riders from the early breakaway (read: Voigt, Mazzoleni, Merckx) dug deep into their reserves for one more gargantuan effort to help their team leaders who were approaching from behind. I felt satisfaction as Hincrappy and his Discovery cronies were spat out the back like the pack fodder they have become. But then it happened. As Landis upped the tempo and put Menchov, Leipheimer et al into trouble, SBS cut to an ad. Not one ad, but three ads. Not three little ads, but three long-winded ads. Not three long-winded ads about mobile phones or beer, but three long-winded ads about what shows are on SBS on Friday night! I was out of my seat, contemplating ringing the station to voice my bemusement and disatisfaction (read: abuse the crap out of the poor telephone operator unfortunate enough to answer my call). After what seemed an eternity, we were returned to the action. We'd missed probably the most crucial move of not only the stage, but possibly the Tour to date. Not to worry, at least it's back on now, things are hotting up at the front as Schleck and Cunego battle it out for the stage victo...NOOOO!!! Another F'in AD! Renault. The one with the food as crash test dummies. Good, clever ad, but NOT NOW!!!! The race unfolds once again. Evans is dropped, Menchov looks like he's about to go into cardiac arrest, Schleck attacks, and AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!! You know the rest. A great stage, one of the most famous stages in cycling, ruined (or at best, severely tarnished) by some dropkick pushing buttons in the middle of the night. Ok, gotta pay the bills, but in the two hours of coverage leading up to the finale, there were very few ads, and certainly not three within the space of 15 minutes. Was someone being 'funny?' No one is laughing. It's bad enough we have to put up with Tomalaris' prolific ineptitude, but at least let us enjoy the racing. It wouldn't happen in extra time in a World Cup Football match, why should it happen in Le Tour? Last year it was crossing to the Ashes during the Champs Elysees stage, and now this. Email drafted and ready for deployment. Join me, fellow cycling nuts, in our condemnation of this abhorent sportscasting.
comments@sbs.com.au

Magnet Animalism

Deano has done it again. No, not made a lame fart joke, or been caught perving on some young mother in the supermarket. He's taken out the Vet's class at the latest State XC round at Arcadia (still don't know where the hell that is!). And Scotty snared a top 5 finish in Masters. STOP PRESS!!! Scotty tells me that the race was actually the State Championship...therefore DEANO IS GOD!! Well, State Champion anyway.... Once again, well done you Magnets! Here's an artist's impression.


Scotty radios back to the Magnets' team support vehicle "I need more lollies, repeat, MORE LOLLIES!"



Deano spots a MILF in aisle 5. The chase begins.

Randomesque-tivity

After rain scuppered any chance of a ride on Saturday, it was slightly clearer skies this morning so a little jaunt on the road was just what the doctor ordered. As Andrea was up for the weekend and set off on a jaunt of her own with Kelly and the 'old blokes' (yes, even older than me and Col!), I kept the Dishevelled Doc company along with Christ and Cozza for a nice little 70k'er. I'm slowly startin to gain some semblance of 'real' fitness, the lungs aren't too bad but the legs turn to jelly on anything with more than a 2% gradient. But whatever doesn't kill you, doesn't kill you.

"Oh ya, I luff zis song! Iz doing my 'ed in! Woot woot!"

A great win for the 'other big German' Jens Voigt plus a change in yellow overnight in Stage 13 of the Tour, with Landis' Phonak team not bothering to do too much to pull back a break with almost 30 minutes advantage, handing over the golden fleece to their former team-mate Oscar Pereiro, who now has 1'30" over Floyd.
Looks like Oscar got the downers and not the uppers. "I am very upset, Jens iss having great time, dancing, and my pill does not seem to be doing anyting."

He shouldn't pose too many problems for the hearing aid boys though, he's a solid climber but not in the same league as Landis, Evans, Menchov etc on the big Cols (no, not him...the climbs). But I won't write Pereiro off just yet, I'll wait to after l'Alpe D'Huez stage to do that. It's great that this Tour is still so unpredictable going into the third week, by this time in the last seven years, it was all over bar the bitchy celebration speeches. Thanks Lance, for de-mystifying the World's greatest bike race.

And as if to prove what an arrogant, self-righteous knob he is, check out what o'l one nut had to say in his latest attempt to further piss off the French. All class (no 'cl'). And I happened upon this while over at the Bikemag forums on the weekend.... Can't wait till something gives, and the shit really hits the fan.

Beer of the Weak

This little number comes all the way from Central America, and the formerly war-torn country of El Salvador. What better way to forget the ravages of war than to drink beer? Attracted by the bright and colourful bottle, I was expecting a lively beer, but on first tasting was left thinking that this beer is a little like making love in a dinghy: it's f*cking close to water! But then I remembered the old standby used to enhance the palate of it's North American cousin, Corona: i.e. whack a slice of lime in it. Voila! Instant taste, probably better than the Mexican brew, or at least very similar. I'm gonna need more limes though, gotta get through a case of the stuff.

Hop to it, XC stylee!

Hot off the presses from Tomkinson comes news of the third round of the NSW Trials series, at Arcadia (wherever the hell that is!) Here's his email, and details of the day.

"Quain and myself are organising the 3rd round of the NSW Trials series at Arcadia. The beginner sections will be set for XC bikes, so i thought you guys might like to come (or anyone else interested) you wont be hopping any of that shit, just technical rolling stuff. Should be pretty good fun. Just put ya seat down and some flat pedals would help, but not essential.

Anyway check the flyer for more details."

Arcadia Check it out, after a 5 year slump, trials competitions in NSW are BACK! And they are kicking.
When: Sunday the 13 th August.
Where: Eastern Suburbs Motorcycle Club, Arcadia (directions at bottom)
Who: All trials riders, and anyone vaguely interested in trials riding. Novice, Sport and Elite classes. Rego from 9am. Riders Briefing at 9.30. Sport and Novice Class ride from 10am-1pm. Elite class starts at 1.30pm Entry fee: $15
Do I have to be an MTBA member to compete? No, day licenses will be available for $15
Which class should I ride? Elite and Sport class riders, you know who you are. Novice class will cater for beginner trials riders and any mountain biker who wants to have a go at trials. Novice lines will be set so that they are rideable on any kind of mountain bike. Dirt jumpers, freeriders, trailriders and even you fast XC guys, anyone who wants to try something different and work on their skills, this is a competition for you.

Want to know more? Contact Chris on 0410770507 or email chris@quain.org Directions: Peebles Rd, Arcadia. Take Old Northern Rd through Dural towards Glenorie. Before Glenorie turn right into Wylds Rd, then left onto Arcadia Rd, followed by another left onto Cobah Rd (pay attention as Cobah Rd twists and turns!). Immediately on the left after Northolm Grammar School is Nollands Rd. Take Nollands Rd, Peebles Rd is the first right. If you are coming through Galston Gorge (as opposed to Old Northern Rd) simply turn onto Arcadia Rd from Galston Rd (right at the big roundabout at the shops), and follow on from above.

Upwardly mobile mechanics needed

Whilst watching Le Tour on Wednesday with Klink, we had a great idea for a new cycling business venture. As a mechanic hung out of a car window adjusting a rider's derailleur, it dawned on us... a truly 'mobile mechanic'. Imagine the scenario; customer enters shop, and indicates he is in need of a service. "My gears are slipping." The crack team of mobile mechanics swings into action. "OK, Tony, go and grab the car, warm up the engine. Russ, get your tools sorted, there's a gear adjust to do. Sir, if you'd just like to mount your bike, the team will meet you in the carpark. Please wear a helmet and make sure your hands are free of any dirt or grease that may hinder your ability to safely grip the door sill. And please sign this waiver in case of death."
It's a winner.

Poster Boy for a Generation, or Media Slut?

Who'd have thought it would come to this? Due to a desperate shortage of good-looking riders, and the reluctance of male models to get sweaty and/or dirty, the organisers of the Highland Fling have resorted to using images of struggling Masters racers to adorn their promotional material. If you look closely (clik the above link, front left of right pic),you will see our favourite dishevelled doctor, the king of the Colin-oscopy, heading the pack across a grassy knoll in search of a cheap feed of fish n chips and a comfy lawnchair. Not content with an appearance in Ride magazine, Mountain Biking Australia, and New Idea, your's truly has his 'mug that sunk a thousand ships' splashed across the poster for this years suffer-fest. If I'd known that this was gonna happen, I'd have worn the tight blue shorts and put on the blonde wig. So, who's up for a fling?